dreams, damn dreams, and statistics

Shortly after I made the decision that I would move to be with Tyler, I had a dream. Or a nightmare; it was one of those cryptic dreams that leave you waking up in a panic. It was basically me on one side of a really tall granite pyramid, and Tyler on the other. It was polished granite so there was no place for me to get a foothold to climb it over; and the more I ran to try and turn a corner, the more the pyramid grew outward.

It was me against the world in the form of a pink granite pyramid. If you’ve read Bloodborn (the 2nd novella) or Deluxe Edition, you’ll recognize that dream; I recounted it almost verbatim in the second half of the book.

Up til this point my dreams regarding the move have been unsettling, visual representations of my frustrations of having to wait and work to get to the day I finally pack up and haul out. Now I’m less than two months away from this, the single most important date of my life, and it seems as if it still will never come.

The liquidation process isn’t helping, I’m sure. I’m coming home with my lower back burning and my feet throbbing five nights a week and mentally begging myself for the patience and strength to fight through it all.

All I want is Tyler, and to be in our new home starting our life together.

Today I spent most of my waking hours daydreaming about it. I have to try and make sure I don’t overly imagine the apartment. We still haven’t signed papers yet so I can’t imagine based off of pictures from complex websites until that happens.

I don’t like having to use my fantasy world as an escape, but as stressful a time as the liquidation is, I’ve found myself closing my eyes or burrowing my face in my arms on a countertop just seeing myself and Tyler in our newly moved-into home, wishing this was all already over.

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