self doubt and stress

It’s been a hell of a couple months… month?… since my last post. I had just started working at the job that I had wanted so badly to have here in Huntsville. Now I’m having doubts. Is it just fish out of water syndrome, feeling uncomfortable with the new set of responsibility and expectations I have to deal with? Maybe so.

Maybe its just the stress over the fact that ultimately I am still expected to sell stuff to people. I do not think that I want to stay in this particular part of the company, I will say that. The company is wonderful. It’s big, it’s secure, and there’s no danger of it going under in a year’s time. But I definitely need something within the inner workings of the company, something more to deal with the operation of the company instead of hocking its wares.

However, even if that’s available to me, it won’t be so for some time. I have to make do with the job asked of me. I have to figure out how to make it work and just do it. I’m waiting for some meetings with team leaders and with people in human resources so I can have my voice heard and see what kinds of goals I need to set for myself. I really want to stay in this company, I truly do. But I feel that I can be of better use in another function. I just have to make sure that function is there and that I can make myself useful in what I am there to do right now.

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